As Mr. R and I got to know each other online, each time we talked we each brought questions for each other. What we really wanted to know about each other, and (for me) what I needed to know about him before I could move forward with falling love.
These questions resulted from my search for healthy love. I encourage you to ask them throughout any relationship to bring more awareness to the things that really matter in the quality of relating you and your partner.
First Date Questions
- Tell me about your spiritual path over the last 5 years.
- What are your biggest goals for yourself in the next 5 years.
- What do you hope to receive from this relationship?
- Tell me about your relationship with your family?
- What is a situation that’s been challenging lately?
- What’s your biggest achievement so far in your life?
- Who are your most important relationships?
- What do you dream for yourself in romantic relationship?
- How would you describe your sense of humour?How do you feel about sarcasm?
- Describe an experience from your past where you were transformed.
- Who are your closest/longest friends?
- Imagine you have a job and me as your lover and we’re traveling, and we have 3 kids, and your part time gig, and life gets more hectic, what do you cut?
- What do I want provided for me by my partner?
- What do I want to provide for my partner?
- What will I accept, as minimum, and what is possible, and what would break your heart open to love?
- What else should I know about you?
- Is what I’m seeing in this person, what I really want?
Past Relationships (who we were before)
- What needs have you felt have been unmet in past relationships?
- Why did you end your last relationship?
- Are you friends with your ex-partners?
- What patterns have you seen in yourself in relationship?
- What are the recurring patterns have you seen your partners?
Family History
- Tell me about your family, who’s your favourite family member?
- Who do you have the most challenge with?
Before Sexuality Experiences
- What are your standards/needs before engaging in physical/energetic intimacy?
- What are your personal boundaries that need to be set/acknowledged before engaging in penetrative intimacy?
- Desires around pregnancy/parenting
- Past partnership/risk factors for STI’s.
- Plans/desires for condoms/birth control in your partnership.
- What challenges have you experienced in your sexuality?
- What are your favorite kinks, curiosities and fantasies?
- What are you clear is completely off limits for you in relation to sexuality?
- What do you fantasize about tryingwith a partner?
- What are some things you’ve done sexually in the past you would like to explore again?
Post Intimacy Snapshot
After you make love, take a moment to share with each other:
- What are some of the most exciting, connected, or memorable moments from this experience?
Relationship Building Questions
- How do you want to love your partner?
- How do you want to be loved by your partner?
- What are your love languages?
- How have you experienced your love needs being met in a good way?
- What are your fears about being in a committed realtionship?
- What are your deepest hopes about being in committed relationship?
- How long do you think is a reasonable time frame for you to wait before moving in together or getting married?
- What experiences or benchmarks would you need to meet before moving in together or getting married?
Dates 10-30 – Creating Future Visions
What do you see for yourself in the areas of:
- Parenting
- Sexuality
- Social Life
- Career
- Purpose
- Quality of Life
- Life Vision
Next month, 6 months from now, 1 year from now, 5 years from now.
If your kids are still young or if you’re thinking about having more kids talk about your ideas around:
- School/Unschool
- Medical Birth/Homebirthing/Freebirthing
- Dreams for your children
- Santa and holidays
- Discipline and permissiveness
- How many kids you want
- What timeline would make sense to you for having those kids?
- What are your fears around being a parent
- What are the things your parents did that you absolutly want to avoid?
- What are the things your parents did that you absolutely want to emulate?
Every 2 weeks
- What is most important for me to know about you in the last 2 weeks?
- What (if any) are the unresolved issues between us?
- Is there anything we need to talk about that we haven’t talked about?
- What are some of the highlights of the last 2 weeks for you?
After 1 month
- What has surprised you the most about your relationship so far?
- What has been the most pivotal moments of your relationship thus far?
- What have you learned from your most recent past romantic relationship?
- What are the patterns of thought or identity have you noticed that are not supportive?
- What do we provide for each other?
- What’s unique about our relationship?
- What can we count on each other for?
- What commitments have we made to each other and what do you want next?
- What are the next steps in bringing your lives closer together?
Quarterly (every 3 months)
- When does it get hard to stay in love?
- What do you do when it gets hard?
- Whats the most important aspect of making your relationship work in your opinion?
- Whats is one thing people overlook in relationship?
- Whats is one thing you’ve overlooked in our relationship?
- Is there anything about me you find unattractive?
- What do you find most attractive about me?
- How do we feel in relation to our love making?
- What have we done that helped us to feel safe?
- What did we implement that helped to bring mindfulness in?
- Where are we at in terms of alignment on our vision for next 5 years?
- What is the masculine’s partner’s vision for who his highest vision of himself is?
- What do we need to do to begin a plan to move our lives physically closer together/clear outline of how we want to progress and move forward with this?
Questions for Life Partnership
- What would make this relationship an undeniable yes in your mind, heart and body?
What do we see for ourselves in (x time) in the areas of:
- Parenting
- Sexuality
- Social Life
- Career
- Purpose
- Quality of Life
- Life Vision
Next month, 6 months from now, 1 year from now, 5 years from now.
- What has surprised you the most about our relationship so far?
- What has been the most pivotal moments of our relationship thus far?
- What are the things we’ve experienced that make it obvious that we are meant to be together in this way?
Checking in about Commitment at 6 months
- What are your dreams for our family? How does that compare with what you see now?
- What commitments have we made to each other, and what do you/I/we want next?
- What do we provide for each other?
- What’s unique about our relationship?
- What can we count on each other for?
- What are the next steps in bringing our lives closer together?
- Is there anything about me you find unattractive?
- What do you find most attractive about me?
- Are there any situations that have been challenging in our relationship?
- Are there any negative recurring patterns that you might have seen yourself acting in?
- What (if any) are the unresolved issues between us?
- Is there anything we need to talk about that we haven’t shared?
- What do you now want to receive from our relationship?
- What do we want provided for us by our partnership?
- What do I want provided for me by my partner?
- What do you want provided for you as my partner?
- What do I now know as the baseline of understanding in our relationship?
- From that point of knowing, what else is now possible?
- What would open our hearts to love each other, even deeper?
- Is what I’m experiencing in relationship now, what I really wanted?
- What else might we want, now that we’re here together?
- What are some of the most stand out memories from this last 3 months,
- Could we even count how many amazing moments of connected, exciting, and pleasurable connection we’ve had from this time that we’ve been together?
- What do you fantasize about doing with me as your partner?
- What do you wish I would do to you more?
- What do you wish you could do to me more?
- Tell me about any kinks, curiosities and fantasies that you might have thought about in the past that you might still be interested in exploring now with me.
- What, if any, challenges have you experienced in your sexuality, sensuality, expectations, desires, passions, or other experiences have you had in relation to me?
- What have been areas where you’ve seen yourself grow even deeper in connection with yourself or me in relation to your sexuality?
