All, Interviews, Self Love

On Self Love – Claire Anstey

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JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

When I read Claire's answer I seriously shouted so loud, "YES!" and then laughed so hard. I'm obviously a huge believer in orgasmic meditations (like JoyGasm), so I was so happy to see a woman like Claire come right out and say it.  Read below the rest of her interview which is awesome too! 

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is self acceptance.. None of us are perfect but the personal development craze has created even more pressure for us as we now often feel that we have to be perfect, think positive all the time and the pressure to be on “purpose” and change the world is massive. Its all nonsense. Self love is about listening to yourself and taking care of where you are right now.

Its important we send more love to our weaker and more venerable parts, so that those parts feel supported and safe. We should never try and hide from them or change them - we just need to support them with love and in time they will dissolve. There is of course a lot more to this but this is my short answer.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

So I am single.. My past has been quite tragic in this area over the last 10 years i lost someone through suicide and then when i feel in love again i found out he was leading a double life. I have had a lot of pain, blame and rejection issues to deal with because of these experiences.

Understanding about self love helped me realize that it was up to me to look after my self and understand myself more so that I could support myself. Psychotherapy really helped me release pain and understand my behaviour. I feel that getting therapy was a act of self love and i recommend that everyone does it.

I am now dating, I haven’t meet anyone I have deeply connected with but thats ok. It feels awesome to be able to meet people, enjoy their company and not get caught up on needing them to complete me. Don’t get me wrong I am human and hanging out with couples all the time would unsettle my wounds so I make sure that I always have lots of different types of friends and I make the effort to have a varied social life.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Understanding the flow of male and female energy has been a game changer for me. The work of David Deida in particular totally reframed the way I look at dating and my own actions as a woman.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

The biggest issue I have had is with dreamers and creatives. If you have too many working on a project nothing gets done. I never ever thought that this would be a issue, I thought it was the dreamers that helped move the world forward but their is a big difference between dreamers and achievers and it was a big eye opener for me.

How do you actually find time for you?

Somedays the kids drive you crazy! It's the little things we do EVERY DAY that support you or leave you exhausted.  You get angry at them when they fight, complain, or ask for your attention CONSTANTLY.   It feels like it's never ending.  

You know you need to take time for yourself... but when?
How? Video yoga at home with kids around? Ya right!

I hear you. 

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Still here? Maybe you need some background on why I'm sharing this...

As a single parent for many years, I know what it's like to live in daily overwhelm that seems it will never end.

After suffering from severe post-partum depression for 7 years, and an abusive relationship that I couldn't seem to quit, I developed a case of seriously self destructive self talk about being a "horrible mother". I knew I needed to do something different, but couldn't seem to shake old patterns.

I took every personal development class that came my way for 3 years straight.  3 day weekend intensives 3x month. After a while started to experiment with the few things that HAD been working to bring me more peace, and combined them into one power packed (and quick) experience, to help find that inner peace, and make progress towards my goal of ACTUALLY feeling good.

I built the first brain training track after listening to a John Asaraf course.  Things started changing for me in a big way and with these tracks I've been able to stop experiencing irrational anger towards my first child (who I had medical birth bonding trauma).  I'm no longer experiencing mental health challenges, attracted a wonderful man into my life who is a great father to her son so much more I dreamed of.

Now I spend my days writing, baby tending and helping other mothers  manage and reduce their stress, build healthier relationships, stop sounding like their mothers, and live lives they once only dreamed of.

I put the best, worst and naughtiest of it into this epic 444 page memoir to help myself and you recover from the culturally normalized rape that is all to rampant in the world right now.

Choose Your Own Adventure to Heal Your Trauma

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Mr. D and the Joygasm Queen

If you've ever loved and lost, you know that in the aftermath of a broken heart, nothing seems worthwhile.  

This book is a vulnerable, raw exploration of the 21st Century shadow of "failed nuclear family" and takes you on a journey to heal your own heart, brain, and body from the pain of feeling alone in a world that doesn't seem to care. 

I offers "what actually worked" for me to heal from the inside out all while traveling the world as a single mom-preneur.