Has anyone ever told you to take a deep breath and just calm down?  

If you’ve ever tried it, it seems to work in the moment, but more often than not, within a few minutes (or second) the anger is right back there. 


Your 5 Fantastic Fingers

This is a 5 min or less exercise, designed to help you shift your brain completely from stress to relaxation and forward thinking peaceful action.

We use the ritual of doing this practice from start to finish to create a repeated brain pathway that says "when I start doing this I am stressed" to "when I finish this I feel good".  

Each time you do it successfully (aka complete it and come out slightly/completely calmer), you hardwire the pattern of moving from stress to relaxation even quicker into your brain.

If you need to do it more than once no problem at all.  
I say "doing it twice is better than doing it not at all!" 

If you forget to do it.  No problem.  
You'll have lots more opportunities to practice.
You're a mother after all.  😉

1. Breathe.  

Place your thumb and baby finger together.  

We do 5 breaths here, to recognize the awareness of the anger or pattern within us, to realize that we have recognized we are stuck, and are preparing to shift it.

Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, this helps calm your nervous system.  Imagine you are breathing OUT all your anger.

2. Make Love

Place your thumb and ring finger together.  

We do 5 breaths here, to recognize the love that we cary within ourselves, looking around the space for anything we feel greatful for, and expressing gratitude for that in our inner (or outer) voice.

Grattitude for ourselves for recognizing we are stuck,
for our children for calling us to more love,
for having the tools and awareness to recognize the the anger or other pattern ​
to have recognized we are stuck, and are all ready to shift it.

3. Magnetize

Place your thumb and middle finger together.  

We do 5 breaths here, connecting with what we WANT to be happening instead.

We want to be patient.  We want to be loving.  We want our kids to behave better.  We want to feel more rested. 

Spend 5 breaths doing your best to VISUALIZE and then EXPERIENCE yourself as those things you want to be feeling.  

This is where the magic happens, and you shift it. 

4. Look Inside

Place your thumb and index finger together.  (put your hands to your eyeballs like silly glasses if you haven't already laughed some in the process already)

We do 5 breaths here, to scan our body from head to toe, and see if there is ANYTHING that is left of that initial anger/challenge.  If there is.  No problem.  Just move back to step 1, and then do the process again for yourself, it will feel so much easier because of what you've already done.

We do this to make sure we have completely shifted the energy of our bodies to one of calm.  

5. Celebrate

Place your thumb and thumb together.  Give your thumbs a kiss with eachother 5 times and 5 breaths.  

We do 5 breaths here, to celebrate that we have shifted ourselves, to celebrate that we are alive, that we have power over our minds and our old patterns, and to congratulate yourself on having completed the pattern.  

Positive re-enforcement is so crucial for creating new patterns, so celebrating allows us to know without a doubt "this is good, and I am doing something good for myself"

Congratulations!  You've done it!

Your 5 Fantastic Fingers are Complete

You can now head back into your mom(battle)field like a Bulletproof Mom.

 

What a transformation!

Since watching your webinar I have utilized the 5 fantastic fingers technique 3 times to manage my anger with Daeklan. Thank you so very much ♡ I just finished doing it. I had to do it twice to be good but it has shifted so much in me already. What a transformation! This tool is amazing.

This is a little gift just for you,
because I know sometimes things feel stuck….

So here’s something to listen to
to help yourself remember
that ANYTHING can change.

Unsubscribing from emails you never read but clutter your life, is a powerful practice, this art of reclaiming the attention we have unconsciously spent in directions we never intended to go.

Ever wanted to be better at follow up? This 3 min brain hacking video utilizes isochronics,
affirmations, and orgasmic sounds to get deep into your subconscious and reprogram you for kick ass follow up and dedication to your business.

What does it take to go from screaming rage (or silent resentment) to loving hugs? Sometimes it seems like the most difficult journey to find the courage to really connect and open myself up to my partner. Sometimes I WANT to fight and stay stuck and in pain. Yet the pain of being in disagreement with him is the worst. Have you ever experienced this?   
I feel like I often choose the more difficult (aka interesting) path, and as such within 2 months of dating eachother Max and I decided to start doing business together. On top of traveling the world. On top of him figuring out how to be a parent to a (sometimes mouthy) 5 year old. On top of being pretty darn broke, and dealing with my sometimes pretty emotionally broken self (aka I used to be an abusive relationship and forget people can be nice when they love eachother) 
So.. with all of that together.. There are at least 6 different kinds of relationships we are in together (work, parenting, travel, love relationship, lovers, friends). There are a lot of different points where things can get derailed. Not making love in the morning can throw off our whole work day, and we have moments of chaos and pain fairly often (on days like today it seems like more often than not.. which my rational brain says isn’t actually true). I’m also more fulfilled an happy than I have been in years. It’s a delicate balance every day. 
Today I came upstairs with an offering of food an hour or so after we’d argued on the balcony about something work related. I thought only to bring a peace offering, but apparently it was actually only to continue the argument. An hour later, I realized that we were getting nowhere, my heart was closed, and it wanted to stay that way. There was probably not going to be a resolution to this moment, and I shared it verbally with him. I had completely forgotten that it’s in our relationship contract to “never go to bed angry”, and he reminds me. I’m going to HAVE to resolve this before bed. Shit.  
“I don’t want to open with you, I want to stay angry.” I almost spit the words at him. Amazingly, this gives me space to open. “Tell me how you really feel” he says.. “I’m so mad, I want to F*ing drop kick you and run away” Comes out of my mouth. (I’m such a lady). “You have permission to hit me and run away.” He says. This may seem like a strange thing to say, but it’s one of our ways of loving eachother. Not that I ever ACTUALLY do it!!!! But the permission to, seems to calm me down, and realize I’m freaking out.  
In a previous moment, someone guided us to find out what we felt we needed to “fix it” when we’re triggered, what we MOST want to do to make the problem of a massively triggered heart and fight/flight response clear it’self out. For me that looks like a savage kick to the head, and bolting. For him it looks like a hug and being told “it’s okay”. MASSIVELY different needs for the resolution of our stress from a moment like the one above. 
I recognized years ago that the violence of my heart is too much for my action to match it. My rational mind gently tethers “raging Elena”, my feminine emotions far to strong to let them move my fists to action. Cities would have been decimated, and men torn to shreds if I truly let the Kali inside of me out. But the permission, the permission to hit and run gives me space to realize he does care about me, and to say “I’ll be back in 5 minutes” and run downstairs (without punching anyone) and bawl in the bed for a bit. I realize I love myself enough to give myself this moment of expression, which is what I really need.  
I come back, slightly better, but atleast I’ve broken the seal. I find that once I start crying in any argument it usually gets resolved shortly, because……. (THE ENERGY STARTS MOVING)……  
We talk and I cry on my own. (Don’t touch me!). I realize there are parts of me which DO NOT want to resolve this.. want to stay angry and stay justified in their fearful actions. We talk more openly and I cry, but lean forwards this time.. As my forhead touches the cold tile his hands reach out and rest on my head, softly stroking my hair.. I’m releived to feel that I don’t pull back. I am now more open, maybe I will be open to resolution. I can feel the desire brew within me. We talk more, and I can feel that the resolution is near. My voice finds the deep truth of this disagreement, why I have been pushing away from him. “I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved by someone who is as kind to me as you are. I don’t deserve this kind of love.” He holds my gaze and I can finally look back at him after avoiding his eyes all day. The compassion is obvious, and I keep crying, I can see the spot on the tile where my tears have made funny shapes when my hair brushed it. I try not to sit on them as we move closer, and I lean into him as I cry. Our hearts both soothed by eachother, and the feeling that we are in harmony again. The discomfort and disagreement of the day has transformed and transmuted.  
As I lean into him I feel held and loved. I realize that through this moment (yet again) I have been given the opportunity to face the wounds of my past, to open my heart, (to him, and to myself) and to love myself even deeper than before. Not only that, but navigating each of these moments (and we know this deeply though we forget in the moment often) brings us closer and more in love with each other than we’ve ever been. The challenge IS the food of our relationship, and the catalyst for our growth.  
Free Training on Self Love and Getting Comfortable with Emotional Expression ===> JoyGasm.me/choose-your-path

5 years ago I wrote myself a letter from the future.

I was very pregnant and had just moved back in with my parents, having gotten it through my head that my relationship with my sons bio-dad was not going to be supportive of me as a new mom. I was depressed, desperate, in my first months of business, and not even that excited about baby being born, just glad that the ache in my back would be gone soon, and I would have some space in my belly. In those pregnant days life was a dark and fearful place.
I sat down, entered, and connected to my future self. She was sitting in Morocco, at a cafe, and laughing with her partner. She was sipping tea, and talking about the possibilities. Wizing through parallel realities of what “might happen when we get up from the table” would we meet someone to take us on an adventure, would we walk down the beach, would we stumble over a camel, or make out in the park… what would be the most fun. My partner and I turn to each other, and laugh. We know exactly which one seems most fun.

We set our collective intent upon it, and release it.

When it’s time to pay the bill, we get up, and start off into the buzzing market. Within a few moments, we encounter a woman, and it’s clear to both of us, she is the gateway to our adventure. We introduce ourselves, follow her, and she leads us to a community like the one we’ve been searching for. We laugh at the perfection of creation, and enjoy the heck out the afternoon with her. We have met another family member, and we are powerful in our creation.

This sense of mastery, of freedom, of choice and receiving, is something I’ve caught in glimpses and in moments over the years.

Like desiring to go to Afest, and getting an invite that seemed impossible. Meeting a lover who strikes every chord in my body. Letting go of moments of anger deeply felt in the past. People lining up in majestic perfection. Life showing me in perfect harmony what is needed for the transformation of being set free. Magic indescribable I’ve seen happen. And this frustration that the intensity seems to happen only in short bursts. And at the time I wrote this letter, it was a hopeful melody, echoing back from the past. This playful nature of my future self, seemed unreachable, unattainable to my depressed, repressed and abused self.

It was at the time, only a dream from the future.. to give me hope and pull me forwards.

Well, I’m excited to say that next week, I go to meet my future self. My partner Maxim and I fly to Morocco. Alex, that babe in my belly is now almost 6, and passionate in his own right about what “most fun” is. I never knew a reason WHY I wanted to go to Morocco, only that I would go. And now the moment is upon me. I have gathered who I thought I would be..

realizing that my life now, is unrecognizable from the woman of 5 years ago.

Sure, I still have moments of struggle, of getting caught in mind games and worry and fear. But my attitude, my general experience, and my perception of myself are so different than the scared and fearful girl I was those years ago. They say you don’t know what you’re made of until you try. I didn’t know how strong I was until the last 5 years dragged me to a pit and beat me.  I thought that was bad, but.. nothing compared to what came after that.

I really learned how strong I am when I dragged my own butt out of that pit kicking and screaming with parts of me trying to get back into the pit.

And I’m realizing how strong am I now.. Being strong in loving it it. In loving myself through it. And in being strong enough to let myself have what I want. Live how I want. Travel with the dream family I’ve always wanted (and that’s more than just 3 of us! if you want to come travel along, we’re making rooms for you!)

If you’ve dreamed it. You can do it.

Keep the faith, enjoy the ride, and celebrate the heck out of moments like this. Where you really do see dreams (and future letters) come true.
Love Elena