So you want to make a baby! Congratulations!
Becoming a mother and creating life is one of the most incredible things you can do as woman on planet earth. And… there’s no denying it (you’ve probably heard some horror stories) mothering can also be incredibly challenging.
This checklist is designed to help you figure out what you may not have yet tried in the journey of conception. It also gives all the best advice I’ve gathered from myself and others over the years about what you can do pre-conception to make sure your baby has the best chances at a healthy life in the long run.
Check Your Partnership
First things first. You don’t want to end up a single mom (trust me I’ve been there, it’s all work and not enough play) so before you decide to conceive a child make sure your partnership is steady.
- Can you talk about absolutely everything with your partner?
- Are you committed to each other?
- Are you financially stable enough to have kids?
- Are you able to deal with conflicts in good ways?
- Do you like their family?
- Do they like your family?
- Does your mother in law (or other relatives) respect your boundaries?
- How do they deal with conflict?
- Do you have any secrets from them?
- Would they ever cheat on you?
- Is your sex life satisfying to both of you?
- Have you been through some challenging experiences before, how did you deal with it?
- How do they deal with babies and young children?
- Do they have challenges with their family of origin that are unresolved and causing issue in your life?
You might be wondering why I’m asking about this… but all of these things will come up during pregnancy and birth.
If you don't have good ways of dealing with issues that arise they will absolutly impact your children and future generations. We want you to stay happy and in love so you can share that vision of what healthy love is with your children!
Relationship with Self
- Can you say you love yourself?
- Can you set clear boundaries?
- When you set boundaries are they respected or not? (If they're not respected there's more inner work to do around how you set boundaries and whether or not you deserve to have your boundaries respected)
- Do you know what you want?
- Do you know who you are?
- Do you know what kind of birth you want? (preparing for your birth before conception you can save a lot of the work of by preparing the psychological space and calling in a child who has certain qualities and characteristics these include children who are available and open for pleasurable pain free or even Joygasmic birth)
- Have you done spiritual or soul work, ceremony or ritual to open up to your children?
- Are you interested in creating a star seed, indigo, crystal child?
- Are you interested in creating a child who has autism or challenging genetic dispositions?
- Are you afraid of these things? (If you're afraid of them this can impact your birth choices rather than just realizing and knowing that it won't happen to you because you've done the preparation to not have that be the case)
If you have challenges with any of these, don’t despair! We can absolutely learn to love ourselves and I am happy to support you on this journey to self love and spiritual connection to your child.
Even if your body is not showing any health issues before pregnancy, they will become absolutely apparent when you get pregnant as you're feeding two bodies from one diet and your placenta will strip your body of nutrients in order to feed your baby. Yikes! This makes it even more important to be in a good place with your hormones, gut health (your biome creates your baby's biome), and nutritional stores.
- Have you been off the pill/hormonal birth control for at least 3 months?
- Have you done at least three months of detox after coming off hormonal birth control?
- Are your periods regular & healthy? (28 days from start to finish, 4 days of bright red blood)
- Have you been diagnosed with PCOS or endometriosis (yoni steaming can absolutly help with this by clearing out the womb, but should be combined with deeper detox and nutrition before conceiving for best outcomes)
- Have you done a parasite cleanse? (90% of people have some form of parasites and don't know it. Unless you cleanse these out before birth, you will pass them on to your children, giving them worse potential outcomes for their health in the long run.)
- How are you supporting your microbiome? (unpasteurized and preferably homemade or farmers market purchased Kraut, Kefir, Kombucha, yogurt, pickles, fermented vegetables)
- Have you repaired your biome since any antibiotics you may have taken in the past?
- Do you or your partner experience leaky gut/IBS/diarrhea/constipation?
- Do you sweat 3-5x week in some form of sweat detox?
- Do you have underlying health issues that need to be resolved before you get pregnant?
- Does your partner have underlying health issues that need to be resolved before you get pregnant?
- How are your energy levels?
- Do you feel tired often?
- How is your sleep?
- Do you experience any of the following? (they will likely get worse during pregnancy and it's easier to fix them before hand)
- Chronically cold hands?
- Acid reflex?
- Other mental health symptoms
- Have you done deep detox of yourself and your partner?
- Do you eat non-organic tofu regularly? (this can be a source of Aluminum)
- Do you have mercury fillings?
- Do you have cavities? (these point to gut issues or nutrient deficiencies)
- Are you eating any of the following foods regularly? (Dairy, gluten, sugar, conventional cookies, chips, cakes, processed foods, non organic foods, all of these are known to be inflammatory and/or cause your body to remove nutrients rather than add them)
Most people aren’t aware of the impact of the microbiome on our bodies and babies. In fact we are made of more bacteria than we are human cells and the microbiome (the bacterial content of your stomach/intestines that takes your food and digests it further into nutrients for you).
Many colicky or reflux babies are caused by either c-section birth or a limited or challenging microbe in mother that is passed on during birth.
Dad’s don’t get a free pass there for doing this work on the biome as the biome of the father is literally injected deep into the mother with every ejaculation. It takes two to make a healthy baby!
Nutritional Stores Preparation
I recommend a minimum of three to six months of extra nutrition preparation after coming off birth control in terms of diet even if you already have a healthy diet that includes the foods listed below.
The father should be on an equally nutrient dense diet as the mother is for at least four months prior to conception as it takes that long to build the healthiest sperm.
If you are regularly eating junk food or lots of pre-packaged non-whole foods this requires more intentional preparation to support the body (Give me 6 months and we'll get you straightened out).
It’s important to know that while people do have healthy pregnancies while eating these foods, many people have challenges with their pregnancies like gestational-diabetes, heartburn, daily vomiting, pre-term labour etc that are much easier to fix with preventative care and nutrition BEFORE you get pregnant.
Avoid these foods! If they are eaten on a regular basis all of these have potential to be adding to your toxic load which will challenge your body and can hinder a best healthy pregnancy and postpartum.
- Food colours and additives (watch out for natural flavors, artificial flavors, yeast extract, MSG, titanium dioxide, guar gum, carrageenan, xanthum gum)
- Sugar (cane sugar, high fructose corn syrup, dextrose, maltodextrin, sucrose, fructose etc)
- Dairy (factory farmed ice cream, milk, yogurt or cheeses) (artisan non-pasteurized cheeses are generally okay)
- Wheat Gluten, crackers, breads, (all grains should be soaked before eating and this is not a process industrial food uses, which turns bread into a nutrient absorber rather than nutrious)
- Factory farmed meat (pumped full of antibiotics)
It's best to nourish your body beforehand this includes:
- Healthy fats (coconut, avocado and olive oil)
- Sources of omega fats (hempseed, fish oils, algae supplements)
- Appropriate levels of magnesium, potassium, selenium, zinc & iron. (Moringa is my favorite that covers many of these)
- Choline helps to form the myelin sheath around forming nerves (this is found in eggs and also sunflower lecithin)
- Dark leafy greens (Kale, spinich, chard, collards, arugala, lettuce, dulse)
- Colourful vegetables (bell peppers, carrots, purple cabbage, brocoli, cauliflower)
It might feel overwhelming to think of the changes in your diet that might be required to optimize your nutritional intake before and during pregnancy but it will pay off in the long run.
It might seem hard to get off these foods if they form the staple of your diet, but it absolutly can be done. I love to help people re-program their brains so that it becomes easy to let go of what used to be “favorite comfort foods” and replace them with healthy plant based foods. All of your nutritional needs can be met in healthy ways, please contact me if you would like access to my preferred brand of organic vegan whole food supplies.
Already have kids and planning on more?
If you are breastfeeding and have gotten pregnant this puts extra demands on your nutrient intake. You absolutely need to put high quality nutrition into your body and ask for support.
Often getting pregnant with additional kids is challenging because moms stress levels are too high for optimal conception hormones.
Asking for Support
We are meant to parent in a village. Without that motherhood is a challenging journey. With the village destroyed by the nuclear family the thing I hear from new moms most consistently is that they feel alone (even if they have a partner) and under-supported.
You must ask yourself… Do you know how to ask for help?
Many women really struggle with asking for help. This absolutely will show up in your postpartum when you are vulnerable and unable to do many things you used to be able to do (because you have a baby attached to you 24/7 and are physically recovering from the marathon of labour)
- Do you know how to ask for help?
- Have you planned for postpartum?
- Do you have a plan for who is going to feed you?
- Who can help with cleaning your house?
- Who can help with baby laundry?
- Who can listen to you, hold you and help you feel safe in any emotions that arise?
- Who is going to nurture you?
- Who is going to nurture your partner?
- Who is going to nurture your children?
- How you are going to be preparing for receiving support?
Preparing for Labour
Sometimes conception doesn’t happen because we are scared about labour or mothering.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you educated yourself about physiological birth versus hospital birth?
- Have you educated yourself around the hazards and tragedies of hospital birth?
- Have you educated yourself about the hormones of labor?
- Do you know how to support your body to stay in connection with oxytocin?
- Do you know how to relax and build endorphins so that you don't need pain killers in order to handle your birth?
- Have you worked with the deep subconscious to prepare yourself to transmute pain into surrender?
- Do you understand that the pain that happens in birth is there to help our body and can be transformed?
- Are you ready to radically transform yourself into a mother?
- What are your stories about who what a mother is?
- Do you have resentment towards your mother now?
- Do you have resentment towards your father now?
- What are your stories about what it was to be a young child?
- What are your stories about how you were born?
How is your self care preparation?
- Do you have a source of positive birth stories that you can listen to to inspire you and let you know that what you want is possible?
- Are you able to support and offer yourself loving conversation from the inside when things are challenging?
- Are you subtly doubting yourself in any way?
- What do you believe about birth?
- What do you fear about birth?
- What do you know about birth?
- Do you realize that these are changeable?
- If you could change any of them, what would you change?
- Do you have fears that come up over and over again? (you absolutely need to deal with these instead of ignoring them)
- Do you have unprocessed trauma?
- Do you have previous birth trauma from your own birth?
- From past children's birth?
- What are the stories you're telling yourself about conception?
- Do you have sexual trauma that's been unprocessed?
- What is your plan for dealing with this?
There’s no need to get overwhelmed!
While it might feel overwhelming to realize there are so many things you haven’t thought of already, the good news is that in reading these questions you now have less blind spots and you can prepare.
All of these things will radically impact your ability to birth the way you want. You can absolutely solve most of them in less than 9 months and/or while you are pregnant.
You deserve to have a wonderful birth. I am here to support you on your journey.
Pregnancy is designed to break down the identity of the woman so she can become a phenomenal mother. Thus it is totally normal to have worries and anxiety come up while you are pregnant. This is simply life showing you where you still need healing work. You can help the process by making sure your body is optimally nourished and you are emotionally and psychologically supported. That way any “kinks in the hose” can be seen as blessings along the way, and is a part of the continuum of birth that prepares you to surrender to the wild flow of birth.
My husband and son love the metaphor of birth like having a poop.
A big, giant poop. An enormous poop. (You can imagine my 10 year old laughing like a goofball) Your body knows how to poop, but having the wrong person watching over your shoulder can absolutely make your body clench up and freeze. Your support team matters SO MUCH. Check out my ebook 6 Steps to a Joygasmic Birth for more info about how to prepare yourself and your team and deal with common family related challenges.
Your body is wise. It knows what you need well before your labour begins and all the symptoms women experience are signs and signals of what needs to be resolved in order for them and their babies to thrive.
Joygasmic Birth is a journey that changes your life for the better and transforms you into an incredible mom.