Why do we need to process this AGAIN?? 

What is the point of rehashing the past? 

Why do we continue to circle around the same issues?

To release the parts of ourselves who are trapped there.

To release the emotions that got stuffed.

Our unaccepted anger and pain calls us 

Again and again, to look again.

We did not feel it the first time,

Because the pain was so great.

And when it comes again, 

(unless we know better)

We do it again and again,

Again denying the one who feels pain, 

“why is this here AGAIN, 

didn’t I already process this, 

I hate that I always feel this way”

Denying the feelings of the shamed, and the one who is in judgment,

It’s not your fault.  It was likely modeled by your parents.

Don’t cry, don’t be so loud, suck it up, stiff upper lip etc.

Which is why you feel that you must do it again and again.

Because it is the capacity to stand in your womb,

And say “I have judged others and myself unfairly and horribly”

And love the one who judged, 

so we can release it completely.

Then when we can feel it fully, in this present moment

Like we couldn’t at the time when it happened

Then we find our way to the center,

To the core of the moment,

For that is where peace lives

It does no good to live in a past moment of pain.  

Let it go, and let the present moment reign.

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?


Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

When I read Claire's answer I seriously shouted so loud, "YES!" and then laughed so hard. I'm obviously a huge believer in orgasmic meditations (like JoyGasm), so I was so happy to see a woman like Claire come right out and say it.  Read below the rest of her interview which is awesome too! 



What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is self acceptance.. None of us are perfect but the personal development craze has created even more pressure for us as we now often feel that we have to be perfect, think positive all the time and the pressure to be on “purpose” and change the world is massive. Its all nonsense. Self love is about listening to yourself and taking care of where you are right now.

Its important we send more love to our weaker and more venerable parts, so that those parts feel supported and safe. We should never try and hide from them or change them - we just need to support them with love and in time they will dissolve. There is of course a lot more to this but this is my short answer.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

So I am single.. My past has been quite tragic in this area over the last 10 years i lost someone through suicide and then when i feel in love again i found out he was leading a double life. I have had a lot of pain, blame and rejection issues to deal with because of these experiences.

Understanding about self love helped me realize that it was up to me to look after my self and understand myself more so that I could support myself. Psychotherapy really helped me release pain and understand my behaviour. I feel that getting therapy was a act of self love and i recommend that everyone does it.

I am now dating, I haven’t meet anyone I have deeply connected with but thats ok. It feels awesome to be able to meet people, enjoy their company and not get caught up on needing them to complete me. Don’t get me wrong I am human and hanging out with couples all the time would unsettle my wounds so I make sure that I always have lots of different types of friends and I make the effort to have a varied social life.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Understanding the flow of male and female energy has been a game changer for me. The work of David Deida in particular totally reframed the way I look at dating and my own actions as a woman.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

The biggest issue I have had is with dreamers and creatives. If you have too many working on a project nothing gets done. I never ever thought that this would be a issue, I thought it was the dreamers that helped move the world forward but their is a big difference between dreamers and achievers and it was a big eye opener for me.

“Suicidal ideation, the act of thinking about committing suicide. Is normal. A normal healthy response to an overwhelming, unrelenting, inescapable emotional pain.”
The words drop into my mind like a hammer. I’m normal. It’s okay.  “I wish someone had told me that 5 years ago.”  I laugh a little bit, but it’s not funny.  I think of the years I’ve spent hiding this part of me, the hours I’ve spent ruminating and pondering what makes me so fucked up that my first thought when something goes wrong is “I want to die.”
The pain I’ve felt at the voice that said,
“I want to die,
I want to die,
I want to die.”
All of this is normal.
 
“When you get a chance, go with a friend to the place where you wanted to drive off the bridge, be the passenger, and talk to them, share with them what you felt, what you experienced, what your world was like then.”
 
“I can do that.”  I think immediately of the bridge as it crosses Fish Creek park on 22x. How many days of driving that cursed yellow school bus did I think about turning the wheel just enough?  Hundreds of times.  Today, a question I had never thought to ask rises to my mind.
How much shame did I internalize from feeling there was something really wrong with me for thinking about it?
A few hours later I’m a passenger in the car, on route south to a family dinner.  I’m dressed up and excited to be going towards my beloved’s families house to spend time with them.  The traffic slows, but it’s the wrong time of day for rush hour.  It must be an accident.  We wait in traffic for a while, and as we pull slowly past the scene, I see clearly, the side of a car smashed in, the back passenger seat, where Alex would sit. It fills my stomach and my heart with dread, I hope dearly there were no children in the back seat.  I feel deeply “I would be so sad if my son died.” This in itself is a relief to the cold hearted “It would be a relief to be free.” a few years back that was my internal response to moments like this.
As we pass by the accident, we both get quiet.  The car is filled with a clear sense of the frailty of our mortality, the real possibility of losing the people we love on short notice, and it brings it all back to reality really fast.   I squeeze his hand, and we sit in silence for a while.
A few KM later, as we exit onto 22x, I realize that this is the moment of speaking my thoughts to die on that bridge.
That moment is happening today.
That opportunity to be listened to
is happening today.
I quickly check in with Dan. “Are you able to hold space for me while I share about this place that I have been suicidal?” He says yes, and I am so greatful.
As we drive forward my voice starts speaking, and it feels not quite like my voice, but the silent repressed voice of all the times I have driven here. I speak in the present tense like it’s happening now. Like I’m walking through my thoughts.
“This is where I start thinking about running off the road.  Before the bridge, so the bus would land in the water, and we’d drown.  Less chance of survival.  But the angle is tricky. Some days I speed down that off-ramp, feeing into the speed build, I’d need to be going fast to break the median.  I remember feeling the courage it would take to take the plunge.  Somedays it was exciting to feel the excitement of getting close to that moment.”
I can feel my body tingling all over, there is a visceral sense of relief, of being seen, heard and felt.  I understand why I was invited to do this.  I know I will do it again in other moments of pain.
“I feel I am useless. I feel I am helpless to change it. The kids I am driving are so far gone off the autistic spectrum, they are incapable of living normal human lives, I would be doing their parents a favor to end their lives and the suffering of parenting a child like that.  But Alex was on the bus most days, I didn’t do it because I thought out of all of us, he might have a future.  I couldn’t take that away from him.  I couldn’t take him away from his grandparents like that. ”
My body starts shaking, and deep tears flow to my eyes. I wonder at the pain I must have been in all those years ago. I see my pain through a new lens.
“Suicidal ideation is normal.”  I think to myself.  Time to REALLY let it go.
“I hated that job, I hated the kids I drove, I was filled with contempt every day. I hated waking up early every morning and slogging through the cold weather to pick them up. So they could sit like lumps on the bus, and sit like lumps at school.  They had no future.  The bus never really got warm, even with three pairs of pants, and a big jacket and scarf and hat, and big mitts and the heat cranked.  I was always still cold.”
I remember the strictness of my playlist.  Only happy tunes, happy words, happy themes to the songs I listened to.  No sadness allowed.  I clung to joy like it was a life preserver in the middle of a choppy sea.  I forced myself into it all winter, being the most upbeat person on the team, I stuffed my pain.  I remember the joy in my heart when spring started to come that year, and I finally felt the sun on my skin again. I remember thinking “I thought I would die, I thought the winter, and the cold would kill me. ”
We pass the bottom of the bridge and head up towards the next offramp.  We are passed the point of no return. I whisper. “This is where I was always silently relieved that I had decided not to do it.”
He says nothing, but I can feel him there.  Listening to my pain, heart open.
I get quiet again, and sit with my feelings, with the tingling sensation in my scalp, hands, and spine.  I know I’ve just healed that time of my life, and that desire to die on a deep level today.
It’s time to return to the lovely conversation we were having before this moment started.  I shake my whole body and make a silly noise.  I take a deep breath in.
“I’m complete. Thank you.”
He squeezes my hand, and we sit together in silence for a while before returning to our conversation.  I hold his hand, watching the city lights sweep past us, and into the night, as we enter the countryside.  It’s beautiful to be here, alive and enjoying the drive.
 
**** If you or someone you know struggles with suicidal thoughts. I wrote this today to let you know that you’re normal.  It took me a lot longer to ask for help than I’d like to admit, and I know that it’s hard.  But asking to be heard is one of the crucial steps in recovery, along with learning to love yourself.  I feel I did it backwards, I feel it might have been easier if I’d know how to ask for help but it might also be a chicken/egg type thing.
If you need support in learning to love yourself, check out the 60-second depression recovery/self love hack I created in the darkest of days to help myself find the courage to keep going.  JoyGasm.me/LOVE

Today I write to honor the season’s changes. The changes in our lives. The death in preparation of rebirth that is the “fall”.  This is a moment to celebrate, a new beginning.

I have been a traveler for many years. I have traveled far and wide, and it was in my travels that I met Grandma Kaarina, on Christmas day a few years back, we were both there soaking up the Mexican sunshine.  I had run away from the Canadian winter that year and many before. In fact, it has been 6 years since I’ve done a full winter. 10 since I did it on a regular basis. When I was 21, I did my first full year of summer, traveling to Australia, and when I returned I knew that I would not return to that cold, I had no desire to return to winter.

Yet this year I am choosing to stay. To embrace winter. Why?

The death, that is at at the heart of winter, is something that is a source of renewal, a source of connection, a source of life. This is a necessary part of life. A part of the natural cycles of life.  Each plant dies and is reborn, each generation has its time.  Yet in my life I have denied this seasonal cycle for many years.  I feared the darkness, the cold, the isolation in a basement suite that the winter threatened.  I feared seasonal depression, suicidal thoughts unchecked, and the pain of being alone.

It’s not surprising, having been raised in a culture that embraces the youthful face, and rejects the elder.  In a culture that isolates in little box houses, and keeps us churning in consumerism.  It is not surprising when the media tells me that the new is to be cherished, and the old discarded.  If I was not productive in those winter months, I was without value.  To be discarded.  Of course, I would run away. Of course I would avoid that death.   What value would death have to a culture that praises baby faces and the newest fad week after week, after week, after week.

But I have not denied the symbolism of death totally, for I have had some wise teachers, and I have learned to create my own deaths and rebirths, separate from my journey with the seasons. Seeing each country, each city, each moon time as a moment of death and rebirth. A ceremony to celebrate becoming reborn.

So when I returned to Canada in the spring, I knew that I would die. Not physically die, but to metaphorically die. To die as an ego. To die to the part of myself that need to do it ALL ON MY OWN ALL THE TIME.   To die as an individual, and be reborn as a collective. The energy these past few weeks has been so strong there were moments when I wondered how would I even know what to do, without the kind voices and faces of those who live and love around me.  How I would have survived without a friendly face who I knew was on my side. The collective is strong.

Yet I have spent the better part of the last few years being the embodiment of aloneness. Loneliness. Alone. Not peaceful and alone like the monk on the mount, but fearful. Fearful and alone. Not fun. Isolated. Socially rejected, but by my own choice and habit. Always the outsider.  Always the minority.  Traveling, with me, myself, and my son.

He and I have known change more than stability in our lives, and in this time of massive change, maybe we are more poised than others to deal with the instability of these times.

Now having returned to Calgary, now it is time to anchor into a community and become WE.

Not me. We. We can save the me. Me is lost now without the We.  We are a collective soul, a collective evolution, a collective tribe.  Spanning far further and wider than most could imagine. Every country I touched, I found people, young and old, seeking the knowledge that they were not alone in having woken up.  Seeking community, a return to the land, and a hope that there is a better way to live.  This is not only my journey, or your journey, but the larger journey of the soul of our time.

“The next Buddha will be a Sangha,” said Thich Nhat Hanh.  It is time to learn to open up to the tribe.  To share the pain, the burdens, as well as the joys and the celebrations, and to rekindle the village. To relearn what the village is and can be for me. Who I can be in it, how I can be of service in it, and how we can share the bounty and the challenges of life together.

The challenge for me now is to love myself so much that I can finally accept into my life, heart, and soul, the friendship which was torn from me at 10 years old when I moved and created the TRAUMA of relocation.  To honor the intergenerational nature of this trauma, as see also that I am the one that passed on deeply to my son by bringing him to 11 countries in 5 years. To forgive me in that, and to find peace within.  To allow the winter to bring its death, and to let it wash over me, to rest deeply in the darkness.  To huddle closer to those around me, also in search of the light.  And when the time comes, in its own time, to find ourselves, the tribe, the village, the community, peacefully budding into blossom in the spring.

When we listen from the inside out..
When we listen to the heart that beats inside our chest,
when we listen explicitly to the inner wisdom,
the beauty, the knowing, the power of the divine that is inside of us.
We create. As I am doing now, as I have been doing.
As YOU have been doing.

The awareness of our creation is where the joy comes in.
In the space of observing the beauty of our own creation,
whatever it may be.

We are 100% responsible for our own lives. We CAN, have and will, find 100% joy for all our creations.
We will find ourselves crying on the bathroom floor, and smile inside or outside, at the passion of it.
Our most beautiful life is created here in each moment.

I was speaking to a man yesterday who said “Well, I’ll just tough it out for the next year or so, working 12-16 hour days, and 4 jobs, and then after that year is done, then I can relax”

It rankled at me, and made me frustrated, that he could not see the illusion of tomorrow that was pulling him.
I feel that lots of people, including myself have fallen under this illusion of “work now, for reward later” I am proud to say that I am now successfully living for now, while rewarding myself now, while also creating a beautiful future.
See I don’t believe you can get to a beautiful future by worrying. I know from my experience, it doesn’t work.

So the better we feel in any given moment, the better our future will turn out.

People have called me self centered, people have called me hedonistic. I don’t care. My life is more delicious to me than anything anyone else has ever presented to me, and I dig it. 🙂

I love for every single person I meet to feel as inspired by their own life. To realize that every moment they are alive is completely of their choosing and that it’s beautiful in how it serves.

Sometimes it’s “negative” and then serves as a reminder. A reminder to be present, to love, to be at peace with the moment.
And each and every moment is true, is beautiful, is whole and it’s own. And so you too feel true, beautiful and whole.
And what else have I wanted but that. What else do any of us desire but that. (and a new bikini! to show off the hot bod I’m finally proud of!! lol)

I Love you!

With inspiration and Bliss!!
Elena

Ever wanted to be better at follow up? This 3 min brain hacking video utilizes isochronics,
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JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love is not selfish, it is actually unselfish. As a woman if you don’t take care of yourself, which includes doing things for yourself which bring you joy, it can end up making you feel resentful, stuck, unable to get excited about the future and also cause burnout and anxiety by all the everyday responsibilities that come with relationships, family and career.

How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I started on my journey of self-love after experiencing a nervous breakdown while working in my own business 7 days a week, trying to juggle being wife, mother, daughter, friend and constant rescuer and also the loss of a parent. Something just broke inside me. It was after being told by my doctor that antidepressant medications would only get me part way back to my old self and the rest was up to me that I stopped and really looked at how I had been showing up in the world, and started to take care of myself instead of ignoring my needs.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

Still trying to address the voice in my head that says taking care of myself is selfish. I think that comes from the role of women in my particular generation. We are meant to take care of everyone first and then ourselves while trying to appear as if we have it all together.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

Not an unexpected obstacle so much but I guess being able to stand out amongst so many other coaches, although I think my message is different from the traditional life/business coach and at the same time so vital for many women I come into contact with. Actually it can be life saving for those suffering with severe anxiety/stress/depression.

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey?

I don’t instantly go into worst case scenarios like I used to. I feel more in control of situations as they arise and take the time to think through things.

Where can people find out more about you?

Full Name: Suzie de Jonge
Business Name: Beautifully Selfish
Website: www.beautifullyselfish.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beautifullyselfish/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beautifully_selfish/

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self love? Why is it important?

My experience of love is the realization that all life is connected, deserving of compassion, acceptance, empathy, and care. When I experience this I feel a surge of pleasurable energy, warmth, and joy in my heart. This feels like the truth of who I am, and it's what makes life worth living. When I am busy, I get disconnected from this feeling and I lose sight of who I really am and why I'm doing what I'm doing. That's why it is so important that I connect to this feeling and this experience every day, because otherwise I feel depleted instead of energized.

How did you start your journey of self love? What started you on your path?

I was lucky to have parents who modeled love for me, which is how we learn to love ourselves. My mom taught me that there are no "bad" people, just "bad" things that people do when they are in pain. Even though I learned this at a young age, I of course experienced a lot of pain when relationships failed in my 20's or when I got my heart broken; especially when I got divorced in my early 30's. This is when I sought out the most effective teachers of self love, and spent years practicing yoga, meditation, self-compassion, NLP, coaching, hypnosis, and other emotional healing modalities.

I found what worked best for me and created my own self-love practices that allowed my coaching clients to have breakthroughs in their own ability to experience self-love and profound romantic love with others, so I'm grateful for the pain I've experienced in my life because it lead me to learn how to heal it and help others heal, to experience more love, intimacy, and passion in their lives.

What is your biggest challenge or temptation when it comes to caring for yourself?

As an entrepreneur I sometimes experience that I don't have enough time to meditate or do as much self care as I like to do to feel balanced and energized. Also when my partner and I have an argument and I feel hurt or angry, part of me doesn't want to feel love. But I've learned how to tap into the source of love and give love to the part of me that's hurt or angry, and give myself compassion and soothing, and then transform that emotion into deeper needs or desires that didn't get met. Maybe I wanted my partner to be more collaborative, or give me more support, or see my side.

So I've learned how to transform the emotion and communicate those desires to him in an inspiring way so that whatever I was upset about winds up bringing us to a deeper place of emotional intimacy. That's what I teach to my clients: how to transform conflict into deeper intimacy.

What has been the biggest unexpected obstacle you've had in following your passion or creating your great work in the world?

I've had challenges in reaching the amount of people I want to reach with my work. I'd like more support in that

How has your relationship to challenges changed since you started your journey? 

I've learned that challenges are an opportunity to grow. In the beginning of my coaching practice, when clients were resistant to change and would be blaming themselves or the people in their life, I would get discouraged. But that forced me to develop patience, self-compassion, empathy for them, and faith in my own skills and the clients' path. Since then, I've developed all those things and now most of my clients have such profound, inspiring, deeply touching experiences. But if I wasn't challenged in the beginning, I wouldn't have had the chance to develop my own skills and virtues, and I wouldn't be able to appreciate the profound experiences I and my clients have now. So I welcome challenges now, as another way I can grow.

How can people learn more about you? 

Full Name: Valerie Greene
Website: http://www.coachvaleriegreene.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachvaleriegreene
Twitter: @CoachValGreene
Instagram: val_greene
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV5fnakewbzMZ2yGU-eChqQ

Man-ifest Your Lasting Love 

Learn how to activate the ONE simple secret that will draw a man closer and inspire his love, adoration, and devotion, no matter where your relationship is now!

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love?

Self - Love obviously means something different to everyone, and through my journey of working with people, I searched for the common denominator, and my journey unfolded from there. Once I knew that I could depend on “myself” for anything and everything, was the day I knew that i truly loved myself unconditionally, as the mistakes, the goof ups, the tragedies became less and less of a focus, that love grew stronger and stronger, Im not sure that it ends.. When I say self, what do I mean? That connection to self can be seen in many ways, some see it as a connection to God, to the inner universe, to eternal energy, the source. What you call it doesn’t matter, what matters is that your feeling it.

Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Quieting the mind is one discipline we must all practice, whether we believe in it or not. Our world has become overloaded with criticism, judgement and gossip, filling the mind with useless information, doubting our own capabilities as we compare ourselves.

As a therapist, I have seen miracles happen when they begin to take themselves seriously again and make self-love a mission. Owning your life and then beginning to reshape can be as easy as breathing, and focusing on what you love. These 2 things could change anyone's life if they chose to.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Tricky question because I tend to be happier than ever, being single, not sure if Im avoiding or if it serves a grander purpose, I tend to love all people equally, and have a hard time putting one person in front of the rest. I would imagine this is because I haven’t yet found “theOne” . Being a single mom comes with its own challenges, however my biggest struggle is my automatic response to HELP. My helping role needs to stay out of intimate relationships. I think. Haha


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

I am single gal, with 4 boys, and very grateful for that, the more okay I become, I realize that most of my past relationships were geared towards me helping my partner, become “better”. I see now, when I put that focus on me instead, everything else falls into place. And all I had to do was learn to breathe properly and only focus on the things that I love. How easy is that?. It becoming effortless over time.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

My work can be challenging because people are still wakingup to the idea that there is more for them, and I have learnt that I can’t convince anyone of anything, so I just keep breathing.

Independence is just that, “Inner Dependence” depending on the inner world. notice how the word “Dance” is in there too. Get to know that inner dance that lies inside you, treat him/her like you would treat your newborn baby,or your best friend, with absolute tenderness and love, only then will your outer world reflect tenderness and love, it will make you want to dance.

“You don’t have to like me, thats my job” ~ Byron Katie

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?


Elena HarderJoyGasm Founder and Self Love Expert

Natalia nails it with food.  When we take good care of our bodies, everything else seems manageable. When we don't, even the smallest thing is impossible.  



What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self-love comes from taking out the ego and the need for external validation from our thinking process. There’s a Twilight episode “Eye of the Beholder,” where a woman goes through multiple extensive surgeries to fit in, only to find herself in the most extraordinary situation. It changed the perception of her appearance.

What if we were to think of self-love as if it were already there, inherent in every one of us, because we are all a part of something bigger? Not stay so focused on our physical perception but spiritual growth. We all feel the love of nature, the Universe that surrounds us, and the higher being. We are all connected, and are meant to be the beautiful amazing beings that we are. Instead of searching for harmony, accept that it’s already within every single one of us, already in existence.

Once we accept that we are pure love as a being, we can start treating our bodies the way that they deserve to – with respect and kindness, nourish them not because of the latest trend to look a certain way, but because it’s what our bodies ultimately need.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Being a mom of a 12 year old girl has made me realized that we are not taught self-love. Simply the process of going through life, putting out daily fires and satisfying external and internal expectations can create a vortex of excuses and fears, comfort zones and lack of self-appreciation.

Having discussions with my daughter about not focusing on peer pressure, creating a space for her to explore different emotions and experiences, has sparked the desire in me to deeper understand the underlying causes of self doubt, and find ways to share love with the world.


What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

The most important skill I’ve learned is to not take things personally and not give up on the fact that I’m here to serve, taking out the ego and need for praise and acceptance.

My personal accomplishments become insignificant among the positive ripple effect that my work is creating in the world around.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

Hahahaha having to learn a lot of different technologies and skills. Marketing, sales, graphic design, web design. I just wanted to do my work, but realized that in order to get the message out in the most powerful way, I have to embrace technology. I’m also a big time introvert. So putting myself out there is always hard.

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?

What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Loving Self is essential. Without self-love we don't have what it takes to love others. Self-love is the very opposite of what we would see as inconsiderate self-importance or selfishness. Self Love is self honoring and self respect. It is recognizing our intrinsic worthiness of love and care. For me, Self-Love has been a process of reclaiming as I deeply heal and clear early childhood and past life patterns set in place which stood between me and my awareness of my eternal, divine self.

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Biggest struggle has been with receiving my man's love for me. When I am not in the place of self-love, I cannot receive. I tend, then, to live in the future (worrying) and cannot relax into receptivity. The more I reclaim my right to life and love, the more able I am to be in the present, to receive love and to be available for sex more often too.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Non-Violent Communication

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

A subconscious fear from a previous life which kept me "hiding out" as a writer instead of claiming my Soul's Sacred Calling as a Leader once again.



Elena's Thoughts: 

Learning to love yourself lets other people love you more!  I totally identify with what Dawn said about her biggest struggle.  “receiving my man’s love for me. When I am not in the place of self-love, I cannot receive. I tend, then, to live in the future (worrying) and cannot relax into receptivity.”  I’ve found this to be true, and sometimes it as simple as changing my focus to “how can I be more open” or opening my eyes when I’m feeling triggered and angry to see that the face looking at me is actually quite loving and I just can’t feel it right now.

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?



What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

I think self love is a tricky thing. One must have enough to appreciate oneself for the good and right things while being cautious not to get in the realm of narcissism. I'd like to think I've found a balance.I'm an introvert and on various occasions suffer from self doubt - will I be able to do it, what will people think, will I make a fool of myself, am I too fat, is this dress ok and so on. At these times knowing and appreciating myself has always been my saviour. Being strongly individualistic, I am quite vocal about the unique traits we all have and not afraid to be different. This is what I am, and I'm fabulous with all my flaws.I do look at external support to strengthen my belief in myself and I am happy to say I have a loving ecosystem that responds in kind. I am not afraid to reach out for appreciation and ask people to point out things that are good about me. Some might call it fishing for compliments but for me it's food for my soul 🙂

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

My biggest struggle right now is to adjust to the fact that I am single. I lost my husband in an accident last year - we'd been together for 15 years (since I was 18 years old). I didn't know life without him, since we stepped in to adulthood together. And I'm still learning to live this new reality every day (www.apieceofhim.com is where I blog about this).

But before this happened, we did have a strange bond. We were very different personalities, yet a part of each other from all those shared years. The challenge was to balance our differences to create a life together. I think the one thing I learnt was that if you are patient enough you'll find a common thread - something that connects opposing viewpoints, something that matters to each partner. And once you are able to identify that thread, happiness can be woven around that.

In my new reality as a widow, I'm seeing a different aspect of relationships. There are certain things that people expect from me, and I don't think I'm really doing those. In this past year and a half I think my biggest focus has been me. And that's changed me significantly. Earlier where I tolerated toxic people, I remove them from my life now. Earlier where I cared about family opinions, I choose what's best for me now and leave them to adjust to it.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

My great work in the world isn't here yet :). It's going to be a baby that I'm trying to make from a sample of my husbands sperm that we had (details on my blog).

I'm taking the IVF route to make this happen and it's been a very challenging journey. One to be alone while doing this, two the constant hormone high you are on, three the mixed social response, and four the uncertainty of the whole thing. I've already had one failed attempt and will be trying again in Dec/Jan. It's an emotional roller coaster and for a person who's preferred to be practical her whole life, I'm still trying to understand the new me.

JoyGasm is asking Conscious Leaders to share their practices of Self Love​ that help them stay strong, focused and powerful as they champion their mission to change the world. 

If you only had 10 minutes a day for Self Care, what would you DO?



What is your take on self-love? Why is it important, and what's the most powerful way you've found to do it?

Self love is the act of accepting and appreciating yourself. ESPECIALLY your less nice aspects. Self love is a moment to moment practice of remembering your highest self, the one that is love, and allowing that to wash over your human experience, and bring acceptance to exactly what you are experiencing right now. It means choosing moment to moment to remember that it's all illusion, and that you are witnessing yourself, doing whatever that is. Self love is also a commitment to continuing to do things that support you to feel nurtured and cared for. Self love sometimes includes asking other people for help to love yourself, and it often involves doing things that are uncomfortable at first.

Self love is important because otherwise self hatred has room to grow. Self love is crucial because it is the food and the support that you need to continue to grow and change as a person. Without it, you won't be able to make the big leap, or believe in yourself enough to do what you want to do, and make the impact you came here for.

The most powerful way I've found to do it, is to lean into the moments of challenge, and face my fears by saying "I love the one who… whatever the negative experience is." And of course "I Love You's"

What is your biggest struggle in your relationships right now? How has that changed since you started learning about self-love?

Biggest struggle is that I'm feeling like I don't have that many relationships that matter to me, and that makes me feel sad and lonely. It's changed a lot in the last few years as I've learned more about self love, because I've felt like this since before I can remember, and now I consciously choose to reach out and connect with people who I know (intellectually at least) love and support me no matter what I do. I didn’t used to do that, so I felt like I didn’t have people who loved me, and I also didn’t talk to the people who did, so I felt extra alone. (Plus beating myself up for being bad at friendship). I now beat myself up a LOT less than I used to.

What's the most important skill you've learned to help you deal with the challenges of being in relationships?

Owning my projections. Any time I point a finger at someone else and say "you're doing this to me" I’ve trained myself to breathe first. And then ask the questions, how is this related to me, why does this trigger me? How can I express and lean into this, how can I let it go of attachment to this feeling, integrate it and come to understanding. All of these are flowed together into the JoyGasm Transmutation process, which helps me immensely in these moments.

What has been the biggest unexpected challenge you've had in creating your great work in the world?

TIME. Seriously. And myself. When JoyGasm came to me, I saw myself rolling it out and being an international superstar inspiring others within a matter of 6-12 months from when I started. Boy was I wrong. It's been over 4 years, and I'm still working on being seen and heard, and most importantly BEING OKAY WITH SUCCESS. My own programing and self talk continually gets in the way. But I know that having a big vision helps with this a ton.